I feel stuck financially 😔
I feel stuck financially because my toxic person makes double what I make and thinks I'm here for a free ride. I have a good job with good pay. Benefits, which they are on, and job security. I pay all the bills, I help with the groceries. I pay daycare, the kids clothes, extracurriculars, and equipment. I can't save anything. I can't qualify for a mortgage on my own. This is one of my main reasons for staying and sticking around when I know it's unhealthy. What tips do you have to become unstuck to move in any direction?'
I still break down in tears and panic randomly
So I am finally away from my toxic marriage of 14 years. I went back twice and then this third time I have left with my children who have also been affected severely. I’ve been told for so long that I am worthless and nothing and lucky he was married to me. I know all of it is false but how mentally do I take steps forward when I just break down in tears and panic randomly. The dark closet is my safe place and where my children can’t see me. I don’t know how I will ever be ok and not think it’s my fault and live in a constant state of worthlessness.
How do I help my teen girls who have been through the same stuff?
Heidi, your podcasts and this page have been soo helpful but my teen girls really need the same info and support because they've been through all of the same stuff as I. Any thoughts on having an affiliated page for kids?
Child protection vs my freedom
My teen has general anxiety disorder. I know when her dad/my husband spirals into toxicity it makes it worse. I have always jumped in to protect them because I have learned to handle it better (and took the brunt of the emotional/verbal abuse). I have held off on divorcing him because In our state it would be 50:50 unless they have a lawyer to petition judge. They would feel worse refusing to go to dads house …not wanting to hurt his feelings. Is it emotionally better for them for me to tough it out for 3 more years until college so I can protect them most of the time… or show them strength of leaving…but when at dads house…they will not have anyone to protect them.
Co-Parenting
When your ex doesn't want to let you go and still tries to kiss you and rub on you even though you have made it very clear that your not together no more and your just trying to co parent with them but then lash it out on you and doesn't want to be Included in your child's school or life just because you set that boundary with them and don't fall into thier manipulation on trying to sweet talk you back.
Stalking/ to the extreme
Has anyone ever had their ex or partner go to the extreme by putting a recording a voice recording in your vehicle or bathroom, bedroom, anywhere so they can "try" to catch you cheating on them? My Ex was very paranoid to the point he put recordings in my car, in our bathroom, bedroom, ect just to catch me cheating on him. I have never cheated on him, nor have I ever thought about it. And to him because I was breathing hard on some of the recordings I was cheating. I couldnt tell you what I was doing that day I was probably cleaning picking up the house. possibly even using the bathroom as you can hear my 4 yr old talking to ME the entire time and no one else. As a 4yr would be curious to who is at the house and talking to them or asking me questions about the other person? Right?
My Girls
I’ve been married to my wife for 9 years together for 12. Over the last few years I’ve noticed myself going into a deeper depression, and even asked my wife for help telling her I was broken. She told me we would talk about it later, 4 months later and I’m still waiting for her to bring it up. So I decided to start seeing a therapist without her knowing. As if I told her I’m not sure how she would take it. Anyway here’s my question. The main reason why I started seeing a therapist is to figure out how to leave my wife. Cause my girls need to see me happy, and see how a happy relationship looks like. How do people co parent with TP? I worry about my girls mental health as my wife is always yelling, belittling and cursing at them over small stuff like spilled water or dirt on the floor that they brought in from outside. How am I supposed to protect them (ages 6 & 4) if I’m not around when she has custody of them?
Dog mom wants to do the right thing
Hi Dr. Heidi <3 I have two amazing and very special adopted dogs. I am their caretaker and cannot imagine any scenario where I would exit my toxic relationship (with my husband) without taking them with me... with the exception of: he secrets them away somehow so I don't know where they are (which is a real concern). My husband has not always treated them with respect (one of the reasons I want to leave and take them with me), but I know most of the time he enjoys their company and is attached to them (whether out of love or the ability to control me through them, I can't say for sure). He knows they are very important to me. I don't think I could get through the breakup with him without the dogs, but I also feel horribly guilty for being willing to "take them away" from him (although I know he wouldn't think twice about doing it to me). I also am concerned about how he has treated them in the past, and feel like I am putting them at risk by staying. So I feel like I can't leave without hurting my husband and can't stay without hurting my dogs. How can I work through these feelings so I can be confident in my decision and move forward without regret?