Get your questions answered by Dr. Heidi

This is one of the hardest parts about leaving a toxic relationship.

This goes back to crossing your boundaries. It is one of the tactics that the toxic personality uses to gain control. I don't know if the particular person that sent this question in is still in a toxic relationship or if they've removed themselves from a toxic relationship and they're just dealing with trying to set boundaries in the aftermath of a toxic relationship. But when you set a boundary who is taking control, you are right? Can you please not eat dinner on the couch right after I vacuum the floor in the living room? You just took control of that situation. You set a boundary.

💚 Q&A: Why do I feel like I am not in control of myself?

💚 How do I respond to my kids questions when they return from former spouse?

There are many things that I gave up about myself when I was in an unhealthy relationship. If I would have known then what I know now I would have protected myself with all my strength. Instead, I began changing myself to become what someone else needed me to be in order for them to feel safe. I did not see that I was losing everything that was good about myself to prove myself worthy of another's love. I fell victim to what I call toxic identity theft and soon there was nothing about myself that I could even recognize. With that I also gave up my worth, my self acceptance, and my values. Do not let this happen to you, and if it already has start rebuilding today.

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Those who have been through a toxic relationship will tell you that there were things that they thought were true about the situation, and now looking back with a clear mind realize they are not true at all. The years we spend thinking these are true become a long continual cycle of us not realizing that we keep doing the same thing over and over, thinking maybe this time it will work and the relationship will feel more comfortable. Here are the 5 things that many believe to be true at some point during the course of their unhealthy relationship. See if you have been thinking the same thing..... I know I did!

Toxic Relationships are confusing and when we are trying to understand them and learn how to operate within them we often fall into behaviors that we believe will help make the relationship feel better. Many times these behaviors, not knowing they are "mistakes" cause continued confusion and become more and more difficult to remove yourself from. We would never know that we were making mistakes until we can look back on them.